Alone Eventually
by TheFirstToSayNo
Summary: Tegan is gone and Sara cannot continue on without her. Trigger Warning and Minor Quincest Inspired by the song Alone Eventually by Stephanie Bosch.


*****A/N: Hi everyone. This is really random and was solely created because of a song. I would highly recommend listening to it while you read it is called Alone Eventually by Stephanie Bosch. Its super depressing and sweet and it made me cry as well as write this. Even though its sad I hope you like it and that it kind of makes sense. If something doesn't please PM me and I'll fix it. I've tried my best to edit but van't promise perfection. Sorry. Anyway please read, review and enjoy!*** PS: Trigger Warning and Hints of Quincest**

I listen as she walks into the room. The creak of the floorboards as her feet lightly pass over them. I listen to her as she pulls the covers away and cuddles in close to me. I keep my eyes shut as she fiddles with my hair. "Sara." She whispers into my ear and I whimper at her sweet voice. I reach out to touch her and feel her warmth but she's gone. When I open my eyes I am alone in a dark room. Again.

I shut my eyes trying to re-dream her. Her smell, her voice, her skin beside me. But she's slipped away and I have run empty yet again. Tears stream down my face and I don't realize I'm screaming until arms surround me and I am pulled into a heartbeat that has become so familiar. I cry into Emy letting her hold me close and try her best to soothe me even though she can't. I cry and cry not trying to explain. Emy knew it all anyway. I pull away needing something more as I lean into her lips. I feel her move against mine but I can't feel the warmth or spark that I need. I continue on anyway pulling at her clothes I slip my hand below her belt and feel her tense at my touch. She stops me with her own hands and I stare at her questioningly.

"Sara, no. Its not what you want." Emy pulls me off of her leaving me cold yet again and I curl into myself to cry some more.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Em." I mumble into my arm and she lets me lay on her lap as she combs her fingers through my hair sweetly.

"Sara, its okay. Shhh. It's okay."

"It's all my fault. I did this to her and now I'm doing it to you. I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry." I sob into her until I fall asleep and I feel her gently leave and the sound as the door closes again.

I dream of her again. Of her smile as she and I sit together; fingers laced. I let myself marvel at her beauty and when she catches me staring she laughs and the sound makes me fill with longing. I reach for her and pull her lips to mine and as they brush across my own I let out a moan before waking up. Emy is beside me sleeping soundly with light snores falling from her lips every now and again. I haven't woken her thank goodness.

I lift myself from the bed and go out to the kitchen for what feels like the first time. My body feels like air as I tiptoe into the room. I grab a glass out of the cupboard and pull down a bottle from the high cupboard.

My arm brushes the calendar on the fridge and I read the date. Its been two months since she left but it feels longer. The days are all marked with little X's and I see notes that Emy has written into each day. She's kept track of me, my eating habits, my panic attacks, my bad days and my good days. I float my finger across the little words and see what it says. The closer I get to today the better it seems to get but as I land on two days ago the note is bad and getting worse as I continue on.

I turn away not wanting to see it anymore as I pour myself a drink. The liquid stings my mouth and down my throat but I enjoy the ability to feel it and drink more until the surge of courage finds me. I walk my small frame through the house until I get to the door and I pull my jacket on. I step out the door forgetting my shoes as I stumble down the driveway and onto the sidewalk. I walk down the road until I come to the familiar turn and I enter the cemetery letting my feet lead me to the spot I seek. My knees meet dirt as I reach my destination and I take another drink from my bottle as I stare.

The letters burn into my sight as I read it over and over again. The name rings through my head and I call out to her in the darkness and no one answers but the wind. I don't know how long I sit there but something inside me tells me what to do. I am no longer truly conscious. I've let myself disappear again and I let my hollow shell of a body lead me through the rest of the graves. I walk on forever not stopping until I reach a place I haven't been. I lay down in the field and feel my tiredness wash over me. I feel my limbs fall to the earth hard as though they are ready to break. I lay there and let myself fall into the soothing unknown that awaits. I shut my eyes as the sun begins to rise and let out my last breath with her name on my tongue. .

I stay in the nothingness. The lonely room of my mind until I feel myself shifting and I feel warmth around me. I hear her voice as she mumbles into my skin. I don't move not wanting her to move I lay there feeling her move against me. She gets on top of me and kisses me softly down the length of my neck.

"Sara, wake up." she whispers into my skin and I slowly open my eyes to be greeted by her smiling face. I let myself smile and the feeling makes me happy as I trail my fingers across the map of her face. I brush her lips with my thumb before I open my mouth to speak.

"Tegan." I feel myself say her name and already I know that I am home.


End file.
